Preparing for Parenthood Pt. I

Parenthood.

Photo courtesy of Annie Spratt from unsplash.com.

It is normal for married couples to dream about having a child. While most might want it to happen sooner, there are also couples who want it a bit later for variety of reasons such as - still studying, current career unsuitability, financial situations, or simply wanting to enjoy their honeymoon moments as partners some more. 

If to be embarking in a married life is something so huge, then what about having a baby (or babies....) and raising one or two or three bouncing happy feet after marriage?! Some people develop motherly instincts while being around their sisters', or cousins' or friends' kids (yet of course, it is not the same as caring for your own), some take a longer time to adapt to having a baby and being a mother while some - don't really develop motherly instincts at all. 

To quote the last sentence of the most recent paragraph, there was a blog post I encountered about a lady, blessed with two children; struggling with motherhood. After 3 years of embarking into this journey, she still doesn't feel love for her children. She has given herself time, but now she's opt to meeting a psychiatrist to get help diagnosing her problems, if they are any in the hope to fix it. And, whatever she does now is for the sake of responsibility. 

I respect her for opening her heart out and really show the reality of becoming a mother and how she felt about it. For being open enough to seek for help and for understanding how important it is to get help when we know something is just not right. So moms to be, when we feel that something isn't right, speak about it with your husband, family & friends. Ask for perspectives and of course, pray for the ease of everything & wellness, a lot. 

Because to be honest, although it may look like a great achievement to be bearing a child or two at quite a young age, can we actually ensure that we will enjoy motherhood forever? (Because once you become a mother, you are a mother forever). 

I believe we can but before being able to, first and foremost we need to understand the reality of becoming a mother. So, what does it mean to become a mother? 

Pros:

1. You will have a legacy. 
2. You have life achievement unlocked! 
3. You will have someone to pray for you when you are 6 feet under. 
4. You will be their inspiration & hero. 
5. You will be cured by their joy.
6. Yada yada yada and all the happiness a mom would usually feel. 

Cons:

1. You are a mother cum maid.
2. You are deprived of sleep. 
3. You need more time to adapt to motherhood but baby is crying now. 
4. You have less time to do everything from shower to brushing your teeth to cook to sleep to work on your career and projects. 
5. You worry constantly if you've done your best today, or if you have taught your children correctly or if you have made them understood why you scolded them earlier.
6. You have no idea what to feed them after all the meals you prepared were disapproved by them.
7. You worry if they hated you for scolding them and telling them they can't do this or can't have that. 
8. You are not sure why they never stop crying and you regret every shout to them to be quiet. 
9. And you start wishing that you have a day off from being a mother. 
10. Yada yada yada and all the struggles you see your sister, or friends or cousins who enter motherhood earlier than you, go through. 

In reality, becoming a mother is exciting, rewarding and joyful but at the same time - nerve-wrecking, mentally & physically draining and emotionally an El Toro roller-coaster. Am I right or am I right, mothers?

That is why although we are happy about bearing a life in our belly, all the congratulatory messages that we receive, and all the happy things we think about doing with our children soon - we must also be realistic and understand that becoming a parent comes with a price. And that, we can reduce the mental, physical & emotional price by being prepared of what's to come.

How to be prepared? Read more articles about pregnancy & parenthood, share and ask questions to the other parents about their experiences and the solutions that work for them which we can try. 

"Because, the more realistic we are about it, the easier it is for us to get through difficult things (inshaAllah)."

And remember, this journey is not only for you to embrace alone. It is for the both of you as partners. So, try to include your spouse in every fact, every new finding, every exciting thing as to make this a two-way journey, in fact a three-way journey once your baby grows.

Next update will be on list of things to prepare before embarking into parenthood inshaAllah.

Stay lovely!

Mus <3

Disclaimer: I am not in any way an expert in this matter. Still researching and learning. Hope we can learn together. Do leave some comments to add in more or to correct where I could have erred. Thank you! 

The Art of Being an Artist

BCL. 

Have always adored you and will continue to. Thank you for the inspirations and honest expressions that moves. 

Love you,

Mus

This is for You, Dear Baby ❤️

Josiah Launstein, Award Winning Wildlife Photographer.

When we were young, we write in the biodata books' ambition section - Journalist, Lawyer, Fashion Designer, Accountant, Architect, Engineer or a Businessman and etc. 

I don't remember what mine used to be in primary school but agriculturist was what I wrote in my blog during my high school years. 

Towards entering adulthood I never had a specific ambition anymore. 

It was undefinable to me. 

All I knew was I wanted to be: first; influential, second; inspirational and third; motivating. That's all I knew. So to me, it doesn't matter what I become as long as I have these traits with me. 

And so, that's why when people suggested that I find a job - I find it really hard to begin with. Like, what kind of job should I do? Where should I work? What do I do? How? What then will I become?

And until now, I am still finding a platform where I can be all the adjectives that I have written above. 

Any idea what career I can look into to become a person with those traits? And what's your ambition, are you living your ambition now? Share wimme your story and your thoughts! 

And to our Dear Baby, be who you want to be as long as you know where you stand in front of your Creator.

Be adventurous, be passionate, be loving and kind, be curious and a risk taker, be analytical & be well travelled. 

And when you grow, you'll understand why Mummy doesn't ask you to become an adventurer but be adventurous instead. Don't ask you to become a traveller but be well travelled instead. 

Go wild and explore life, create who you really want yourself to be. Don't let the world intimidate you.  

And remember, whatever you do, know where you stand in front of your Creator & most of all, be Happy. 

Love,

Mummy & Daddy <3

A Lost Cause

Cesme, 2015. The beach where the Syrian baby was washed ashore.
(Semoga dia berjumpa dengan keluarganya di syurga bersama mangsa-mangsa perang yang lain. Amin)

Nobody tells you that life after studies is gonna be challenging. You may get a warn or two by some but until you really experience it yourself, no matter what people tell you, you can never fully comprehend it.

As with me, this year was a total struggle. Never in my life have I gone through something so serious that I thought really needed a fix asap. But to my surprise, it totally went the opposite. 

It needed a time-off. 

Time does heal pain. But human nature, we always want things - pronto, por favor! We are always in a rush of the unknown and when we cannot surpass it - we start blaming ourselves, or the surrounding or whoever, whatever we can put the blame on. 

-

After studies I was so eager to be in the active loop again and just start to do everything altogether at one time! And ultimately, I didn't want to have a fixed job. Because to me, I would not really have the time to proceed with the project ideas I have in mind. So, anything would do but just not a fixed job. 

But, unfortunately.

My organic farming, my Public Mutual & AIA Takaful, my organic chicken and my book project all went down the drain. Nothing worked. So I broke down and I cried a thousand times but kept the prayer strong. 

I shut myself off from people, surrounding and anything that I don't feel like dealing with. I was sad & broken.

Yet, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And the shut down was actually a blessing in disguise. So we could listen to ourselves more, detect the wrongs and improve them, we have more time to explore and learn rather than being too greedy of the unknown.

Be patient and continue working on it. One day, you will learn why things went the way it did. 

But, if you are just a lost cause like how I was (or maybe still am), try listening to Brendon - he's a professional motivator and hopefully you will get some of his spirit and insights to motivate you with your plans.

A summary of what you can do when you feel lost:

1. Call and meet a friend to get some perspectives.
2. Go volunteer and be around people who does good and have a cause.
3. Read a good book.
4. Get momentum by achieving small daily goals like taking a shower! Hmm 🤔😆😆😆

& don't fret, this is life. From time to time, life will stop and drag you down only to lift you up higher.

So, keep your chin up and keep on swimming~~~

Love,

Mus

A Bun in the Oven ❤️

Home for now, 12th December 2016.

Allahumma solli ‘ala sayyidina Muhammad wa ‘ala Ali sayyidina Muhammad. 

Salam Maulidurrasul, 12 Rabiulawal 1438H.

I'm not sure how to do this –

A part of me is wanting to make it private and just surprise everyone once the baby comes out inshaAllah. But another bigger part of me is wanting to share and exchange (with other mothers) about the ups and downs of being an expecting mother, pregnancy diet tips, pregnancy yoga & last but not least, maternity style yay! 😄

Usually, when a person isn’t married yet, people ask “Bila nak kahwin?”, when a person is married but haven’t been blessed with a baby yet, people ask “Bila nak dapat anak?”, when a person is married and have been blessed with a son, people ask “Bila nak dapat anak perempuan pulak?” (& vice versa), and when a person has been blessed with a pair of son and daughter, people ask “Bila nak tambah anak lagi?”

Hahahahaha.

I guess, we all can relate to these nerve-wrecking questions to a conversation (or our people say, soalan cepumas) which following our moods – sometimes we can take it openly and sometimes we just feel like punching them in their face for being nosy. My husband and I have been asked “Bila nak dapat anak?” a lot of times too. Most of the times, we take it openly because after marriage we always pray to Allah that “You will give when the time is right and You know best”. With that, we enjoy our single lives together doing the things that we know once we have a baby, we might have to put extra effort into doing or finishing it.

We’ve been married for 2 years and only now God decides to bless us with a child and we believe that it means, we are ready now following our prayers to Him, inshaAllah. So, don’t worry if you’ve been married for a year, 3 years, 5 or more but haven’t been blessed with one. Keep on praying and believing in His blessings. Just like how Nabi Zakaria did – he never gave up in praying to Allah for a child and finally (even when he’s old and his wife infertile), Allah blessed him with Nabi Yahya (Surah Maryam, Ayat 1-10).

In the meantime, keep enjoying your single life with your spouse. Explore something new like going dirty dancing together (tango, waltz or fusion dance whatever you prefer to keep the heat going 😜), caving or diving, start a healthy lifestyle with clean eating together, attend religious talks and become an avid volunteer to a cause that you really care for. For example, becoming a weekend teacher to the Rohingyan or Syrian kids, or just spend sometime with them talking about their dreams and ambitions.

And also, don’t worry! When you are asked these soalan cepumas, try to take it lightly and say “Pray for me” (because most of the times, people just want to break the ice but don’t know where to start) or giggle while putting your hand over your mouth, or if that time you are feeling annoyed but can’t punch them in the face (obvsly!), you just muster your courage to fake a smile and walk away. 😆

And if there are married women out there who really want to get pregnant but haven’t been blessed so yet, or anyone really wanting something but it just doesn’t come your way yet, try practicing this doa (after every solat fardhu) which after sometime of practicing this prayer – soothed me a lot when I was confused with my career path.

"Ya Allah! Berikanlah aku keredhaan atas penentuanMu dan berkatilah aku pada apa yang telah ditentukan (diqadarkan), hingga tidaklah aku ingin mendahulukan apa yang Engkau lewatkan dan tidak pula melewatkan apa yang telah Engkau dahulukan. Amin."

To expecting parents out there, may He ease it all and that we make it through the journey inshaAllah amin. Next update on pregnancy would be on how we found out that we are pregnant!

Till then. Love yous,

Mus