Preparing for Parenthood Pt. I

Parenthood.

Photo courtesy of Annie Spratt from unsplash.com.

It is normal for married couples to dream about having a child. While most might want it to happen sooner, there are also couples who want it a bit later for variety of reasons such as - still studying, current career unsuitability, financial situations, or simply wanting to enjoy their honeymoon moments as partners some more. 

If to be embarking in a married life is something so huge, then what about having a baby (or babies....) and raising one or two or three bouncing happy feet after marriage?! Some people develop motherly instincts while being around their sisters', or cousins' or friends' kids (yet of course, it is not the same as caring for your own), some take a longer time to adapt to having a baby and being a mother while some - don't really develop motherly instincts at all. 

To quote the last sentence of the most recent paragraph, there was a blog post I encountered about a lady, blessed with two children; struggling with motherhood. After 3 years of embarking into this journey, she still doesn't feel love for her children. She has given herself time, but now she's opt to meeting a psychiatrist to get help diagnosing her problems, if they are any in the hope to fix it. And, whatever she does now is for the sake of responsibility. 

I respect her for opening her heart out and really show the reality of becoming a mother and how she felt about it. For being open enough to seek for help and for understanding how important it is to get help when we know something is just not right. So moms to be, when we feel that something isn't right, speak about it with your husband, family & friends. Ask for perspectives and of course, pray for the ease of everything & wellness, a lot. 

Because to be honest, although it may look like a great achievement to be bearing a child or two at quite a young age, can we actually ensure that we will enjoy motherhood forever? (Because once you become a mother, you are a mother forever). 

I believe we can but before being able to, first and foremost we need to understand the reality of becoming a mother. So, what does it mean to become a mother? 

Pros:

1. You will have a legacy. 
2. You have life achievement unlocked! 
3. You will have someone to pray for you when you are 6 feet under. 
4. You will be their inspiration & hero. 
5. You will be cured by their joy.
6. Yada yada yada and all the happiness a mom would usually feel. 

Cons:

1. You are a mother cum maid.
2. You are deprived of sleep. 
3. You need more time to adapt to motherhood but baby is crying now. 
4. You have less time to do everything from shower to brushing your teeth to cook to sleep to work on your career and projects. 
5. You worry constantly if you've done your best today, or if you have taught your children correctly or if you have made them understood why you scolded them earlier.
6. You have no idea what to feed them after all the meals you prepared were disapproved by them.
7. You worry if they hated you for scolding them and telling them they can't do this or can't have that. 
8. You are not sure why they never stop crying and you regret every shout to them to be quiet. 
9. And you start wishing that you have a day off from being a mother. 
10. Yada yada yada and all the struggles you see your sister, or friends or cousins who enter motherhood earlier than you, go through. 

In reality, becoming a mother is exciting, rewarding and joyful but at the same time - nerve-wrecking, mentally & physically draining and emotionally an El Toro roller-coaster. Am I right or am I right, mothers?

That is why although we are happy about bearing a life in our belly, all the congratulatory messages that we receive, and all the happy things we think about doing with our children soon - we must also be realistic and understand that becoming a parent comes with a price. And that, we can reduce the mental, physical & emotional price by being prepared of what's to come.

How to be prepared? Read more articles about pregnancy & parenthood, share and ask questions to the other parents about their experiences and the solutions that work for them which we can try. 

"Because, the more realistic we are about it, the easier it is for us to get through difficult things (inshaAllah)."

And remember, this journey is not only for you to embrace alone. It is for the both of you as partners. So, try to include your spouse in every fact, every new finding, every exciting thing as to make this a two-way journey, in fact a three-way journey once your baby grows.

Next update will be on list of things to prepare before embarking into parenthood inshaAllah.

Stay lovely!

Mus <3

Disclaimer: I am not in any way an expert in this matter. Still researching and learning. Hope we can learn together. Do leave some comments to add in more or to correct where I could have erred. Thank you!