What Would You Rather Be?

Light at the End of the Tunnel, Sg. Pisang, April 2016. 

I came across a question;

“What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?”

I felt its great for me to express it here so I can move on. But to me, I’d like to tweak the question to – ‘what would you rather be if sin was not part of life equation?’

Then I would be a pole dancer. Yes. Really.

Yes. Really.

Yes. Really.

Not for the attention I’ll get but for the freedom of expressions I earn with wild & dirty dancing. And dancing, will always be the career I could never pursue.

I remember when I was 9, my father registered me for a swimming class. Every time he dropped me at the club, I would see younger girls attending ballet classes. Wearing those fluffy pink dresses, bringing bouquet of flowers in a cute little basket. Tiptoeing their ways into the class, with an attitude – all chests and chins up.

I loved that! And until today, I still do.

I told my dad I wanted to do ballet instead of swimming. But he detested. Maybe having had the feeling that I would pursue it as my career and not just as a children-weekend-self-development kinda thing. And I guessed it was for the better, for I could have really been a dancer if he had really allowed me into the class then. And I didn’t mean that disrespectfully. But, maybe. Just, maybe. A girl who comes from a strong Islamic family-background would be loathed for pursuing something that is seen as, sinful?

Yet as I grew, I developed my kind of thinking that questions ‘Who are we to say what is right and what is wrong, that’s not our job to do’. I know its not mine but if you think its yours, then by all means.

I was enrolled into a piano class and I hated the teacher too. No, I didn’t hate her. I just couldn’t care less what she thought about me. She called me ‘stupid dam dam’ (I suppose that was dumb) for not following her instructions. My sister was a favourite one for she followed instructions, understood English and played gracefully. I told my dad I wanted to drum instead but it was a done deal. Swimming meant swimming, so was piano.

But, although those weren’t what I wanted I am still grateful that at least, at least I have some skills that I could show off to my friends when we hung out hahahahahaha. Yet, I can’t help but think that it could have worked wonders if parents could listen to their children’s passion and support the children’s choice. But of course, I understood the strive we all face to follow the faith/avoid any harm too.

Even then, those classes help me have a bigger view about life. Maybe not then when I was stupid dam dam but totally now when I can make more sense of life. So that’s okay Dad. Everything happened for a reason and its for the best reasons of all :)

And, what was done was done. We’d still dance to our favourite songs with ’em girls and some spontaneous public ones too!

And oh yes, some outta the topic thoughts;

For the married couples – its always great to share hobbies together. That helps us bond better and we’ll forever be each other’s best friends when we do what we love together! For example, my sugar loves The Walking Dead. Initially, I despised it because the zombies look stupid to me and not frightening at all and ultimately, because the series are tooooooo slowwwwwwwwwwww. Period. But then, I learned to like it and it made wonders. We could then tease the series and make inside jokes together. Imagine if I knew nothing about the series, how could we have come up with inside jokes then? Hahahahaha.

And because I love the recent Peanuts movie so much – he then joined me for the OST dance along tutorial and it made everything so much funner!